Affair with a married woman - is it OK or not?

[the_saint]

This is gonna take a while but i'll keep as short as i can!

When i was school there was a girl 2 years below who had a big crush on me. A really big crush. I turned her down though because i was interested in someone else who eventually ended up with for 2 years. Fine.

Fast forward to about a month ago and she contacted me on a nameless social networking site. Fine i thought, that's OK. But over that month she has been very flirty, suggestive, and smutty in her messages and postings. Which would be fine except she is married now! I could be reading this wrong (i don't think i am though), but i'm pretty sure from the messages she wants an affair. She hasn't expressly said that, but it seems that way from the messages and a couple of friends have backed me up on that.

I've been putting off meeting up "for a drink" for a few weeks and i think i have bought myself a couple more weeks but i suspect we will have to have a drink at some point.

So i want to know, if i am right and she wants an affair what should i do??

Extra things to note
(1) When i read in papers about affairs in marriages my opinion tends to be to blame the one the marriage and not the single person. The married person should have the strength to say no and stick to their marriage. If they don't it's not the single persons fault.

BUT when you are the singleton involved it is not so clear cut, hence my struggle!

(2) Just in case someone asks, yes she is pretty hot! She looks good in her pictures and i actually got on the same bus as her a couple of years ago but wasn't sure it was her so said nothing. But she was hot in the flesh too, so that's not an issue.

(3) This one might be the one that swings people a certain direction
She has just (about 10 days ago) had her second child!! Part of why i put off meeting her was because if i was right i could just about handle a married woman flirting with me but not a PREGNANT maried woman.

So, assuming i'm correct and she wants an affair, and if she does all the chasing and i go for it is there any fault on me or is any fault on her??

I genuinely don't know what to do - opinion is split among my friends so i thought i would do a poll here and get some opinions (and i probably subconsciousless want people to approve ) so i can decide what to do in advance of the inevitable drink.

Thanks, rock and roll!

[Dim Tim]

I would say it wouldn't be your fault at all, because she was sort of forcing it on you. She's a grown up now (I would hope so) and she knows what's right and what's wrong, and if she still wants to do it, the why not ini

Go screw her mate

[Bazza]

Don't do it mate, you'll only regret it.

The way I see it is, if you have a pretty hot girl who is attracted to you, surely you can find another pretty hot girl who isn't married or in a relationship.

edit: DT how could you

[the_saint]

Originally Posted by Bazza

Don't do it mate, you'll only regret it.

The way I see it is, if you have a pretty hot girl who is attracted to you, surely you can find another pretty hot girl who isn't married or in a relationship.

Maybe, but then again that would require more effort than one who is already interested and making the moves.

Besides, i think can persuade her to do Lovefilm!!

I would have put a lot of money on DT saying that!!

[Bazza]

Also, you will have consider the kids she has. Plus what if her husband found out.

[Dim Tim]

you know DT too well lol

and if you're lucky you could be betting on Liverpool winning Premier League next season from her Coral account

[the_saint]

Originally Posted by Bazza

Also, you will have consider the kids she has. Plus what if her husband found out.

I don't want people to think i want to do it necessarily, i'm just going to play Devil's Advocate.

If no one ever found out would that be OK??

In any case, it's like i said above in the first post, i'm single so i'm not the one cheating so its her fault if the husband finds out surely??

But then again it is kinda icky.

DT - she's interested in me so obviously too smart to make crazy bets like that!

[Bazza]

If you go DT's way, by the end of the next footy season, you could be in a mess with this situation and be out of pocket with that bet.

edit: I'd still consider it wrong if he didn't find out. Would you like to be in his position?

[Snare]

Well I have a feeling a safe bet would be Hull City coming to the Premiership! Juninho maybe plus 2 other singings already!

Come on!

[the_saint]

Originally Posted by Snare

Well I have a feeling a safe bet would be Hull City coming to the Premiership! Juninho maybe plus 2 other singings already!

Come on!

Doesn't help my problem Dude!!!

Bazza - your right i wouldn't be happy in the husbands position and that's a valid consideration, but then othe hand isn't she the one with the duty not to hurt him not me?? I've never met him and probably never will (if i'm lucky!!).

I look forward to reading more responses when i get back!!

[Dim Tim]

Originally Posted by the_saint

Doesn't help my problem Dude!!!

Bazza - your right i wouldn't be happy in the husbands position and that's a valid consideration, but then othe hand isn't she the one with the duty not to hurt him not me?? I've never met him and probably never will (if i'm lucky!!).

I look forward to reading more responses when i get back!!

well yes, but if his wife is prepared to do that, don't you think he'd be better off with somebody else.

[bmh16]

Just think of yourself in the husband's position. While its a tough one imo, i wouldn't do it. I mean, also with 2 children, i think it would be demoralising for them if this broke up the marriage (if the husband found out).

[Bazza]

Yea true but that's not our problem. I think you should meet with her and not avoid her too much. But if she comes on to you then tell her that you don't want to be the cause of a marriage falling apart. Well that's what I hope I'd do.

Resist the temptation lad.

edit: in reply to DT.

[Amos]

Originally Posted by the_saint

i'm single so i'm not the one cheating so its her fault if the husband finds out surely??

It takes two to tango, its just as much your fault. Sounds like denial to me :P

Personally I think that a person would have to be a complete ass to cheat on someone, whether you are the third party or the person in the relationship. Anyone with an ounce of decency would have some consideration for the victim in these things.

Bloody horny people...:P

[Chunkchenko]

maybe the kids are off the postman lol, also is her husband a beef cake?

try and put yourself in her kids position and think how would you feel if your mum got nailed by another man.

its up to you if you want to park the beef bus in tuna town

[the_saint]

Originally Posted by Chunkchenko

maybe the kids are off the postman lol,

Whats arcticfox got to do with this?!?! But i see what you are hinting at, i get the impression that generally she probably isn't that faithful, but i could be wrong and doing her a disservice saying that.

also is her husband a beef cake?

From the pics on her profile he doesn't look like he is. He looks like his taller than me, but i reckon i could take him. When i did karate they taught us karate but also said to fight dirty if you ever get into a fight and showed a bit of it so i reckon i'll be OK. Plus those hours achieveing professional level on Wii Sports boxing obviously help!

try and put yourself in her kids position and think how would you feel if your mum got nailed by another man.

Funnily enough i thought about that when i was out and i think that is the big thing that is holding me back now. I know as was said it takes two to tango but i think as i'm the singleton and she is married she is the one who should be concerned about her marriage etc not me. But like you say, its the kids that are actually swaying me to a no.

I deserve a big Adriana Lima shaped piece of karma i reckon if i don't do it though!!

its up to you if you want to park the beef bus in tuna town

erm, nice!