Apple stores covered in jizz!

2345876 · 06-10-11, 11:01 PM

BRITAIN'S bodily fluid cleaners have been working overtime after the launch date for the iPhone 5 was announced.

Muscly-thumbed throngs crowded against Apple temples to hump the window until reaching a Krakatoan fountain of climax in anticipation of the very-slightly-different rectangle that will cost more than your first car.

Apple worker Julian Cook said: "I've been busying myself in the stockroom all day as the shop window looks like somebody slowly shaking a jar of pickled octopus. Some of them have been drawing lovehearts in the sticky mess.
"They've been there since about four seconds after the launch date was announced. It's like if the zombies in Dawn Of The Dead didn't have an insatiable appetite for brains, but were just really, really horny."

IPhone host body Wayne Hayes has been stood outside the Gateshead Apple store for 18 hours, slapping the window with his penis and making keening noises whilst stood next to the shattered remains of his phone.

He said: "iPhone 4 **** now. Want iPhone 5. Where iPhone 5? Oooooo. Oooooooooo. Oo."

Details of the features and design of the new iPhone have yet to be released but many expect it to be a phone, for ****'s sake.

And while the new shiny thing is expected to earn Apple all the money that is left, the profits will be offset by the cost of removing the crusty patina of geekjuice from more than 400 stores worldwide.

Cleaner Janet Thompson said: "I don't know if you've ever tried to de-spooge a wireless keyboard. It gets everywhere."

mcgrou · 06-10-11, 11:40 PM

Ilikefree · 06-10-11, 11:48 PM

what?

2345876 · 06-10-11, 11:50 PM

The Daily Mash - The Daily Mash - Apple stores covered in jizz

Ojaser6 · 07-10-11, 02:49 AM

srsly?

Eddiy · 07-10-11, 03:08 AM

**MJ10** · 07-10-11, 06:17 AM

Sufiyan · 07-10-11, 07:24 AM

**ryan1087** · 07-10-11, 08:14 AM

It's numbers dream... wet dream.

funkyme · 07-10-11, 08:37 AM

I wonder what the people walking past the shop would have thought!!!!

Genesis · 22-10-11, 11:49 PM

now thats simply messed up.

06-10-11, 11:01 PM	#1
2345876 Mini Mac Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cumbria Posts: 4,184	Apple stores covered in jizz! BRITAIN'S bodily fluid cleaners have been working overtime after the launch date for the iPhone 5 was announced. Muscly-thumbed throngs crowded against Apple temples to hump the window until reaching a Krakatoan fountain of climax in anticipation of the very-slightly-different rectangle that will cost more than your first car. Apple worker Julian Cook said: "I've been busying myself in the stockroom all day as the shop window looks like somebody slowly shaking a jar of pickled octopus. Some of them have been drawing lovehearts in the sticky mess. "They've been there since about four seconds after the launch date was announced. It's like if the zombies in Dawn Of The Dead didn't have an insatiable appetite for brains, but were just really, really horny." IPhone host body Wayne Hayes has been stood outside the Gateshead Apple store for 18 hours, slapping the window with his penis and making keening noises whilst stood next to the shattered remains of his phone. He said: "iPhone 4 ** now. Want iPhone 5. Where iPhone 5? Oooooo. Oooooooooo. Oo." Details of the features and design of the new iPhone have yet to be released but many expect it to be a phone, for *'s sake. And while the new shiny thing is expected to earn Apple all the money that is left, the profits will be offset by the cost of removing the crusty patina of geekjuice from more than 400 stores worldwide. Cleaner Janet Thompson said: "I don't know if you've ever tried to de-spooge a wireless keyboard. It gets everywhere." __________________ Not Signed Up To eXceem? What Are You Waiting For Sign Up Here* Free Gifts \| TAG Sport Rally Team \| DRH Photography - Rally Photography

06-10-11, 11:40 PM	#2
mcgrou - - - - - - - Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: - Posts: 5,156	wut __________________ Spoiler Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned - Tyler

06-10-11, 11:50 PM	#4
2345876 Mini Mac Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cumbria Posts: 4,184	The Daily Mash - The Daily Mash - Apple stores covered in jizz __________________ Not Signed Up To eXceem? What Are You Waiting For Sign Up Here Free Gifts \| TAG Sport Rally Team \| DRH Photography - Rally Photography

07-10-11, 03:08 AM	#6
Eddiy The Nice Guy Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Brooklyn,NY Posts: 507	Rofl __________________ FREE iPad

07-10-11, 06:17 AM	#7
MJ10 Currently: Moderating! Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Thatcham, Reading Posts: 15,784	Lol __________________ Spoiler Received from FreebieJeebies: £4,280.76 Spoiler Amazon Vouchers (£275) \| Wii Black & Game (£200) \| Textbooks (£40) \| Samsung T220HD (£200) \| WiFi Printer (£38) \| Samsung R580 (£689) \| Belkin Case (£15) \| Catlike Whisper Plus (£102) \| JVC Hi-Fi (144) \| Kenwood Microwave (£62) \| 2xHDMI (£5.03) \| Omron Scales (£30) \| 2xBluRay (£10) \| Kitchen Crockery (£44) \| BT (£1,302) \| BT (£663) \| BT (£238) \| 500GB Wifi HDD (£103.98) \| Philips iPad Speaker (£99.99) \| Sgt.PepperMill (£10.47) \| Car iPhone/Tape (£9.29) Received from KUDOS: £2,652.50 Spoiler Philips Hi-Fi (£138) \| iPhone 4 Case (£4) \| SEO Book (£13) \| Russell Hobbs Kettle (£40) \| 3D HDMI Cable (£11.99) \| Samsung UE40D6530 3DHDTV - BD-D6500 3D BluRay Player - Skype Camera - 2x3D Glasses and BluRay Film (£946) \| Wireless Headphones (£55) \| 1TB HDD (£55) \| IceAge DVD Box Set (£10) \| BluRay Blank Disk Package (£26.48) \| Harry Potter 1-8 BluRay (£32.30) \| Nike+ Running Package (£35) \| HDMI Cable (£5) \| Extension Lead (£18) \| Russel Hobbs Iron (£20) \| Brabantia Ironing Board (£55) \| Just Dance 3 (£23) \| TV Aerial Cable (£2) \| Samsung UE32D5520 HDTV (£380) \| Amazon Voucher (£51) \| 32GB iPad 3 4G (£579) \| BT (£153) Received from Xpango: £250.14 Spoiler Apple TV (£99) \| Affiliate Bank Transfer (£32.20) \| Affiliate Bank Transfer (£49.74) \| Affiliate Bank Transfer (£69.20) Received from other affiliates: £263.20 Spoiler Amazon Affiliate Voucher (£263.20) 2011 Winner of Best Site Award and Grammanazi Award. Runner up for Member of the Year 2011 Free iPhone \| Free iPhone \| Free iPad 3 \| Sign Define App \| Freebie Proof Photo Blog Total Received: £7,446.87 plus Current Stats: 0 green 12 pending WIN an iPod Shuffle, XBox Live, Amazon or iTunes vouchers >> Free competition entry here << Spoiler Spoiler Ed's status Spoiler Received from FreebieJeebies: £1,854.03 Amazon Vouchers (£275) \| Wii Black & Game (£200) \| Textbooks (£40) \| Samsung T220HD (£200) \| WiFi Printer (£38) Samsung R580 (£689) \| Belkin Case (£15) \| Catlike Whisper Plus (£102) \| JVC Hi-Fi (144) \| Kenwood Microwave (£62) 2xHDMI (£5.03) \| Omron Scales (£30) \| 2xBluRay (£10) \| Kitchen Crockery (£44) Received from KUDOS: £1,920.50 Philips Hi-Fi (£138) \| iPhone 4 Case (£4) \| SEO Book (£13) \| Russell Hobbs Kettle (£40) \| 3D HDMI Cable (£11.99) Samsung UE40D6530 3DHDTV - BD-D6500 3D BluRay Player - Skype Camera - 2x3D Glasses and BluRay Film (£946) Wireless Headphones (£55) \| 1TB HDD (£55) \| IceAge DVD Box Set (£10) \| BluRay Blank Disk Package (£26.48) Harry Potter 1-8 BluRay (£32.30) \| Nike+ Running Package (£35) \| HDMI Cable (£5) \| Extension Lead (£18) Russel Hobbs Iron (£20) \| Brabantia Ironing Board (£55) \| Just Dance 3 (£23) \| TV Aerial Cable (£2) Samsung UE32D5520 HDTV (£380) \| Amazon Voucher (£51) Received from Xpango: £250.14 (others: £263.20) Apple TV (£99) \| Affiliate Bank Transfer (£32.20) \| Affiliate Bank Transfer (£49.74) \| Affiliate Bank Transfer (£69.20) Amazon: Affiliate Voucher (£263.20)

06-10-11, 11:48 PM	#3
Ilikefree Mini Mac Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: London Posts: 5,141	what?

07-10-11, 02:49 AM	#5
Ojaser6 Mini Mac Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Planet Urth Posts: 3,667	srsly?

07-10-11, 07:24 AM	#8
Sufiyan free-gadgets.co.nr Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Mumbai, India Posts: 1,971	Wtf? __________________ Spoiler My stats: Hope that number increases. Working on new site!

07-10-11, 08:14 AM	#9
ryan1087 What to put... Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 9,067	It's numbers dream... wet dream. __________________ free ipad 3

07-10-11, 08:37 AM	#10
funkyme iPod Nano 4GB Join Date: May 2011 Location: Bristol, UK Posts: 251	I wonder what the people walking past the shop would have thought!!!!

22-10-11, 11:49 PM	#11
Genesis iPod 30gb Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Soon to be in Florida. Posts: 1,080	now thats simply messed up. __________________ Links How to get Free Microsoft points \| Free iTunes Gift Cards