Selection of VIZ Top Tips

[Harvez]

A USED CONDOM filled with water and left on a radiator makes an ideal and inexpensive lava lamp.

TOWN COUNCILS. Reduce litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks.

CONVINCE bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your arse before holding the glass close to their nose.

UGLY BIRDS-Become better looking by simply moving up north.

JURY FOREMEN. Add suspense to a verdict by saying “We the jury find the defendant…” and then leave a two minute pause before delivering the outcome whilst another jury member plays a low roll on a kettle drum.

COUNCIL highway departments. Save money erecting warning signs on dangerous bends. Simply sellotape a bunch of flowers to a nearby lamp post instead.

KEEP WIVES and girlfriends on their toes by telling them they are the fattest girl you have ever been out with.

LADIES. When treating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch.

OLD PEOPLE. Each night, go to sleep in the recovery position, potentially saving paramedics valuable time.

SAVE MONEY on toilet paper by wiping your arse on a flannel. This can be re-used once your wife or girlfriend has washed it.

MASTURBATORS. Create the effect that you've been sleeping on your arm by getting someone else to pull you off.

CINEMA BUILDERS. Don't bother installing a front row of seats, nobody ever uses them. Simply start with the second row.

PREGNANT weatherwomen. When presenting the report, stand front on to the camera so as anybody living west of Stoke on Trent can see what the weather will be like in their area.

A SERIES of copycat farts following someone else's admisssion of guilt can compound the misery of the perpetrator, whilst simultaneously giving your bowels the clean out you've always dreamed of.

SHOE BOMBERS. Increase your payload by becoming a clown.

BIRD LOVERS. Save money on wild bird food this winter by fitting a bird feeder to the inside of your window. You only need to fill it once, but you will enjoy watching the birds at your window every day!

MUMS. MAKE bath nights more fun for the kids by playing 'moth aircraft carrier'. Simply float a shoebox in the bath with a torch attached. Leave a window open for ten minutes, then turn off the bathroom lights and watch as the moths attempt to make their dramatic and dangerous landings.

[cameronlaw]

thats great

[iFreeZone]

HAHAHA!! Keep 'em coming!

[scudbook]

lol classic viz briliant

[samac92]

hahaha

[triggs]

haha quality