Advice From Women To Men

[MsSmirnoff]

1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

6. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.

8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.

11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance -- in fact -- please do !!!

13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" -- the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.

14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs a negative grunt.

15. Don't insist that we "get off the stupid phone" and then not talk to us.

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few raises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.

[SwedishTom]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

4. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine .... Really.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

7. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

8. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

9. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

10. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

11. Check your oil! Please.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret chicks, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

14. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

15. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It's genetic.

16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

17. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

18. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.

19. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

20. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

21. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

[MsSmirnoff]

LMAO Trust you Mr Tom

[SwedishTom]

Well MsSmirnoff, I just HAD to replay to what you posted.. I just couldn't let that past without some sort of response now could I?

Cheers
Tom

[MsSmirnoff]

Well I'll just have to forgive you

Gawd moi is bored

[SwedishTom]

Well, in that case I forgive you also for that preposterous first post of yours..

Btw, you are at work and you are bored? Have all the time in the world to surf around and find lots if mischief to do and yet you are bored

Cheers
Tom

[MsSmirnoff]

Yip Im at work - an yip bored - Nobody emailed me this morning *Cries*

I don't find mischeif Mischeif finds me

I'm a good girl *Sings*

[SwedishTom]

Originally Posted by MsSmirnoff

I'm a good girl *Sings*

I think I will leave that for someone else to answer!! *cough* woostar *cough*

Cheers
Tom

[woostar]

is she heck LOL

[MsSmirnoff]

Originally Posted by SwedishTom

I think I will leave that for someone else to answer!! *cough* woostar *cough*

Cheers
Tom

Oi woo wooo wooooo Leave him out if it

He knows nothing an he tells porkies

[MsSmirnoff]

Originally Posted by woostar

is she heck LOL

*Growl*

[SwedishTom]

Originally Posted by woostar

is she heck LOL

Originally Posted by MsSmirnoff

Oi woo wooo wooooo Leave him out if it He knows nothing an he ells porkies

Uhmm I think I will let you two sort that one out between yourself!!

Cheers
Tom

PS

Originally Posted by MsSmirnoff

*Growl*

Don't sound good so far!

[MsSmirnoff]

Sent him to his naughty corner

[SwedishTom]

hmmm sounds like there will be no Smirnoff for you the next few days then MsSmirnoff.. sending him to the corner like that!

Cheers
Tom

[macdady]

LMAO good banta!!!

[DiscoDJChris]

nice comeback there, Tom

[DjRicta]

Originally Posted by MsSmirnoff

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

O M G ! ! !

thats one for the women.

well no it shud be..

1:When watching a movie shut up and stay that way.

[DiscoDJChris]

or stop bloody crying for gawds sakes! its only a movie!

like when me and michelle were wathching ghost with patrick swazy in it.

She was like pouring her eyes out. It touched me a bit though but i wasnt like all shouting at the tele - "Dont go patrick *sniff* *blub* dont go! "

[DjRicta]

haha no the one i hate is...

"O HES THE GUY IN (INSERT MOVIE HERE)"

or

"AWWWW WHAT WAS HE IN AGAIN"(clicks fingers)

[MsSmirnoff]

Originally Posted by SwedishTom

hmmm sounds like there will be no Smirnoff for you the next few days then MsSmirnoff.. sending him to the corner like that!

Cheers
Tom

Joking aren't you - He might be in his corner but he can still hear me